What Types of Decisions Do You Have to Make with Joint Custody?

When you are a parent, simply walking away from your ex-spouse may not be an option. If you have joint custody, you need to communicate and make important decisions together until your children become adults. However, this can become difficult and complicated if you both do not agree to find common ground when it comes to your kids’ needs.

When you and your ex-spouse have joint custody, this means that you both have the legal right to make decisions for your child. Some of the most important decisions you may need to make affect their health and medical needs, as well as educational needs. Today, we want to look at some of those decisions so you are prepared for what lies ahead.

Common educational decisions regarding your child

There are many different types of educational decisions you may need to make with your ex-spouse until your child turns 18. A few examples of these decisions include:

• Whether your child will attend public school, private school, or a charter school.
• Whether they will be homeschooled or switch schools if they complain of bullying or do not like their current school.
• Whether your child will go to school in the city you live or where your ex-spouse lives.
• Whether your child should go to a school that focuses on rigorous academics; their passion for sports, arts, theater, or other extra-curricular activities; or one that is equipped to handle his or her special needs, if applicable.
• Whether they will ride the bus, get picked up by someone, or walk home.
• Whether both parents will go on field trips, attend school plays, or go to parent-teacher conferences together or divide these events equally
• Whether it is time to hire a tutor to help your child grasp a certain subject.

Examples of healthcare decisions regarding your child

Healthcare decisions are potentially the most important decisions you’ll ever make for your child. A few examples of healthcare decisions that you may have to make with your ex-spouse include:

• What doctor your child will see
• Whether they will be vaccinated (fully, partially, or not at all)
• Whether the child should take certain medications or not
• What surgeries and procedures your child can undergo
• Whether the child can see a counselor or psychologist
• What age they should begin going to the dentist
• Whether they will get braces or not
• How to get in touch with one another if the child is taken to the emergency room
• Whether both parents will attend medical appointments or divide them equally
• Whether the child needs glasses and should visit an eye doctor

What if you simply cannot agree on these major decisions?

If you simply cannot come to an agreement on the major decisions regarding your child’s healthcare and educational needs, mediation may help. A mediator can create a professional and less-stressful environment, while helping you and your spouse reach a resolution you can both accept. A mediator can help you find common ground and make important decisions regarding your children long after the divorce is finalized.

Depending on your situation, you may also be able to ask to modify your current child custody agreement. If the judge agrees with this decision, they may determine that you are a better fit to make decisions for your kids’ needs. However, you must have significant proof that their other parent is making poor or risky decisions that could harm your children.

Five tips to help you find common ground with your co-parent

It can be difficult to find common ground. We recommend reading the following tips; they may help you and your co-parent find a way forward.

1. Plan a time to meet to discuss in advance: It is never a good idea to wait until the day before you have to make a decision to approach your ex-spouse. Instead, you should plan a time to meet and discuss your child’s needs at least a few days or even a few weeks before you need to make the decision. Sometimes, it is impossible to give advance notice, such as when your child is experiencing emergency medical issues. However, if possible, you should always make sure that you schedule a meeting that works with your and your ex-spouse’s schedule to go over a decision or concern that needs to be addressed.
2. Remain respectful: While you do not have to agree with everything your ex-spouse says, you should remain respectful throughout the entire conversation. If you think the conversation is becoming tense, you should ask to take a break and schedule another time to discuss. Major decisions can cause conflict, but it should not get to the point of feeling uncomfortable, threatened, or even insulted.
3. Show that you are actually listening: When you are discussing an important matter with your ex-spouse, it is crucial to show that you are actually listening. Repeating back your ex’s points can help. You want to be respectful in your phrasing, though. Something like, “To me, it sounds like you’re saying A, B, and C. Is this correct?” shows that you are listening, and allows your co-parent the opportunity to explain further and avoid any miscommunication.
4. Be willing to compromise: Anytime that you are having an important conversation with your ex-spouse about your child’s upbringing, you should be willing to compromise. Sometimes, your ex-spouse can explain their opinions and help you understand why it is the better option. However, in order for this to be possible, you have to be open to seeing their point of view and potentially realizing that what you have in mind may not be the best option for your child’s best interests.
5. Keep the past and other issues out of the conversation: When you are talking with your ex-spouse about a decision regarding your child, remember to keep the past and other issues from the marriage out of the conversation. Many co-parents have difficulties doing this as they cannot let the past go. However, in order to have a productive conversation with your ex-spouse and make major decisions, you must let the past go and focus solely on your kids’ needs.

At Epperson Law Group, our Charlotte family law attorneys know and understand how challenging it can be to share responsibilities and make decisions with a co-parent. That is why we are dedicated to helping and guiding you through this process. If you are ready to work with a lawyer who will help you come to a solution that is best for you and your family, please call our office or submit our contact form today. We offer case evaluations in Charlotte, Boone, Concord, and Weddington.