What Does Co-Parenting Mean for Fathers?

Co-parenting can be challenging for parents, especially when they have been involved in a very difficult divorce or custody battle. Therefore, when fathers receive joint custody or even visitation, they may have a tough time understanding what exactly co-parenting means. They may think that it means “the mother parents one way when it is her time, and I parent another way when it is my time.”

However, this mindset is not beneficial to the children involved. It is important to know and understand what exactly co-parenting means when it comes to child custody to ensure that you are providing a healthy environment in which  your children can grow and thrive.

Defining co-parenting for fathers

According to the National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse, co-parenting involves “a great deal of cooperation, communication, and planning.” This means that in order to be a good co-parent, you must do certain things, such as making sure your schedule coordinates with your ex-spouse’s schedule, ensuring that there is positive communication involved, and always concentrating on what is in the best interest of your children. By successfully co-parenting with your ex-spouse, you develop and maintain a strong bond and relationship with your children, which can help reduce the chances of behavioral, self-esteem, and confidence issues arising.

Some people may be under the impression that co-parenting means that one parent does things how they want to when it is their time with the child while the other parent does things how they want to when it is their turn. However, this is actually incorrect. Instead, co-parenting is simply a term to describe a healthy relationship and environment for children who have divorced or separated parents that still share the tasks and responsibilities of parenting and raising them. Children need their parents to put their arguments, differences, and bickering aside and provide a sense of stability and consistency for them. Therefore, it is never a good idea for parents involved in a co-parenting situation to choose to parent differently simply because it is their own individual time with the children.

What is the difference between co-parenting and joint custody?

Many people think that the terms co-parenting and joint custody are interchangeable. However, these terms actually have very different meanings. Custody deals with making significant decisions for the child such as religion, schooling, and healthcare. Joint, physical custody is when a judge gives both parents control and responsibility over a child. This usually means that both parents get 50/50 time with the child, but, depending on the facts or circumstances, one parent may receive a little less time, such as 40/60. Regardless of how much time you are given, joint physical custody means that the judge expects you to physically share the child.

Co-parenting typically makes joint physical custody a pleasant experience. For example, parents can either choose to successfully co-parent, or they can choose to do things on their own. Those that choose to co-parent may work hard to ensure that there is active listening, good communication, and wise decisions being made together about the children.

What are the positives of a healthy co-parenting relationship?

If you and your ex-spouse are thinking about establishing a good co-parenting relationship, you may be wondering what type of positives and benefits this may bring. Here are a few of the most common positives that are often seen from healthy co-parenting relationships:

• Less conflict: One of the biggest positives from healthy co-parenting is less conflict. When parents learn to co-parent with one another, they learn to fight, argue, and bicker less, and when conflicts do arise, they learn how to quickly resolve them and move on. Your children will see this and use it in their everyday life to solve conflicts and disagreements with others. In addition, they will feel more relaxed and less anxious when going from house to house.
• Stability: When a father and mother have the same goals and desires for their children in mind, the children have more stability. For example, when a mother sends a child to the father’s house and explains that she enforces bedtime around 7:30 p.m. every night, the father choosing to follow this same rule at his house provides the child with a sense of routine and stability.
• Solid and loving relationships: Children who see their parents working together and co-parenting are more likely to build a strong, solid, and loving relationship with both parents. They never have to worry about choosing a side or upsetting one parent. Instead, they see two adults who get along and make wise decisions for them.

Five tips to help Charlotte fathers with co-parenting

As a father who just got visitation or joint custody of their children, you may be looking for any tips possible on how to successfully co-parent. This is a great first step to give your child a good experience when it comes to forming a relationship with both parents and going from house to house. The following are five tips to help you co-parent:

1. Communicate: Communicating is one of the most important things you can do when co-parenting. Do not ask your child to tell their other parent something for you. Instead, you should talk and communicate directly with the parent and let them know anything important about the child’s life (grades, tests, medical issues, etc.).
2. Be respectful of your child’s time with their other parent: When your child is with their other parent, you should refrain from calling or texting them too often. You can simply tell them goodnight or ask how their day is going, but you want them to be present and enjoy their time with their other parent too.
3. Try to have an open schedule: While the judge may have set up a specific schedule for you and the other parent to obey, you should try to have an open schedule in case anything ever suddenly emerges. This means if your child’s other parent needs to go to the doctor abruptly, you should be ready to take off work and pick your child up from school.
4. Remember that it is OK to disagree politely: Co-parenting does not mean that you will never disagree. You may have a lot of disagreements, but what is important is how you handle these disagreements. For example, you should never scream, shout, or say anything that is hurtful to your child’s other parent. Instead, try to come to an agreement that you both see eye to eye on.
5. Show up and put your child’s needs first: If you have a hard time being in the same room as your child’s other parent, you should remember that it is about your child and what they need. This means that if your child has a school play going on and they want you to attend, you should find a way to go to this play because your child’s needs always come first.

If you need help navigating the challenges of child custody or divorce, please do not hesitate to reach out to a family law attorney from Epperson Law Group at your earliest opportunity. We can answer any questions or concerns that you have about co-parenting as well as help you create a plan to help your children understand their new reality after divorce. Call our office or complete our contact form to schedule your free case review today. Our firm proudly serves clients in Charlotte, Weddington, Concord, and Boone.