The Custody Dispute – From Beyond the Grave

A recent story in The Free Press illustrates just how contentious some divorces can be. Two spouses, both lawyers, spent years contesting custody of their three children. The disputes show just how much spouses can be consumed with making family disputes about winning and control instead of doing what is in the best interests of the children. The contest raises many questions about alternative methods for resolving custody disputes. We don’t seek to take sides. We don’t seek to tell you what should and shouldn’t have been done by the parents. We post this summary of the dispute to provide some perspective. However traumatic your divorce disputes are, they are likely nowhere as conflicted as this dispute.

A custody dispute for the ages

According to The Free Press,  two New York trial attorneys married in 2006. The couple had three daughters. They also had a “series of terrible abuse allegations” that resulted in the husband/father filing for divorce in May 2019. Sadly, the wife/mother committed medically assisted suicide due to a diagnosis of cancer.

The Free Press reporter spent eight months trying to determine the full history of the dispute – which continued well past the death of the mother. The news story, according to the editors:

Isn’t just a story about one family’s ugly domestic dispute, though that story is a wild one. It’s equally a story about how social media can distort our perceptions, reflecting complicated human beings in a funhouse mirror that bears little relationship to who we really are.

The couple, at the time of the mother’s suicide, had spent four years, millions of dollars, and 3,000 court filings over the custody of their three young daughters. When the mother died, her last email was sent to journalists, police, lawyers, judges, and members of the father’s law firm – but not to the husband. He found out about the email through a colleague.

The email explains how the father, “had been an abusive husband who had manipulated the corrupt court system into cutting off [her] parental rights.” She accused him of “’Ruining the lives of my children, me,’ and so many other ‘parents (mostly mothers) who have tried to stand up against abuse.” She states that the recurrence of her cancer forced her to write the email – and also place in her Dropbox account extensive evidence (she claims) of how abusive the father was.

The father stated to The Free Press that the mother was the abusive one and had “made my life a living hell for so long.”

In her email, the mother requested that her death shouldn’t be in vain – spurring many readers to take action. The response resulted in numerous phone calls to the father with the callers cursing him, accusing him of killing his wife, and hoping that he should “lose his kids.” His emails filled up with death threats and many other unwelcome comments.

One of his daughters then informed the father that a TikTok video had more than 2 million followers. The video was posed by a 41-year-old “digital creator,” claiming he was a “citizen journalist,” and “former bad husband.”

The “digital creator” continued by suggesting that the father’s biggest client, Samsung, should be made aware of the mother’s position. The father’s law firm ultimately told him he had two days to decide if he should resign with a severance package or be fired.

The video postings and comments continued including a posting of a video by the “digital creator” that “gave the names and photos of people involved in the divorce case who Catherine perceived to have wronged her—including the lawyer representing their children, the psychologist who recommended [the father] have full custody, and one of the children’s therapists.”

The parents were both New York litigators when they met. The relationship got off to a rocky start when the couple eloped because they couldn’t agree on the type of wedding they should have. The couple went through several rounds of IVF (in vitro fertilization) before they ultimately decided to adopt a child after the mother was diagnosed with an aggressive type of breast cancer and received treatment. The couple then had a child through IVF. A third child was born shortly thereafter.

The parents had several nannies to help raise their children. The nannies had their own version of the mother which generally were not favorable. In particular, they raised concerns about how the adopted child was treated compared to the two other children. Friends of the mother tell a different story.

The allegations are only a part of the story. One lawyer involved in the case said that the dispute was “infamous in the courts of New York.” The lawyer said that “during a 45-year career, it ‘was probably among the top two or three most contentious cases I’d ever had.’” In addition to numerous court hearings, a psychologist and a psychiatrist were also involved in preparing reports.

“The result of the July 2020 trial was that the judge reaffirmed [the father’s] temporary full custody of the kids—and that Catherine could see them only under supervision.” The mother continued to fight for custody and for her claims that the New York courts “are so invested in minimizing, suppressing, and punishing valid claims of abuse” that they “imposed ‘supervision’ on me for saying that the girls were telling the truth about their father’s abuse.”  The mother “helped found an organization called WeSpoke, which focuses on ‘speaking up on the systemic failures in Family & Matrimonial Courts across America.’”

The Free Press story includes reports about how devastating the conflict was on the three daughters.

Alternatives to custody litigation in North Carolina

There are alternatives to litigating your divorce disputes, including custody disputes, in North Carolina. Parents can attempt to resolve custody disputes through the North Carolina Child Custody and Visitation Mediation Program. The mediation program involves an orientation class and at least one mediation session. The program is mandatory though some exceptions may apply.

Mediation helps parents identify their concerns about their children’s security and upbringing, explores creating plants that determine which parent/home the child will stay with, and how decisions about the major decisions for the children such as education, religion, healthcare needs, and other essential needs will be made.

Parents are not required to reach a decision. The mediator will not make a formal decision or a recommendation to the family law court. If the parties can’t agree about physical and legal custody, the custody dispute will be decided by a family law judge.

Two other alternatives to litigation when parents cannot agree on custody include:

• Here, a seasoned family lawyer is assigned to determine the custody disputes. The decision of the arbitrator is binding. Using the arbitration process is voluntary.
• Collaborative divorce. This process involves bringing in child psychologists, educators, and other experts who can help parents understand their child’s needs. Generally, a collaborative divorce specialist helps the parents and their lawyers forge a solution. The collaborative divorce process is not binding.

It is also important to remember that once a parent dies, the other parent automatically gets custody of the child unless their rights have been terminated or is otherwise declared unfit. In fact, no one else has standing to even seek custody unless they can show that such a parent is unfit.

We understand how traumatic divorce is for parents and children. At Epperson Law Group, we’ll explain your custody rights and what factors courts consider when deciding physical and legal custody. Our Charlotte custody lawyers are skilled at all methods of dispute resolution including mediation, arbitration, collaborative divorce, and litigation. We’ll help protect your children while reaching agreements and decisions that prioritize their best interests.

Call our office or fill out our contact form to schedule a consultation. We have offices in Charlotte, Weddington, Concord, and Boone for your convenience.