Once the Heat Is Gone, Can the Marriage Remain?

You are out for drinks with friends or just walking down the block from work to pick up lunch, but you make eye contact, exchange smiles and feel an instant spark with a total stranger. There is just no getting around the fact that the first thing that attracts two people to one another is physical appearance. But what happens when heat is the basis for your relationship?

Physical attraction can be a powerful thing and can even lead to hasty marriages. Eventually that element that drew you together can fizzle out. Maybe you just realize you don’t have as much in common on a deeper level, or your careers or having a family have taken up most of your free time leaving you tired and disconnected. When the sex that built your marriage goes out of your marriage, it can mean heading down a dangerous road toward divorce.

Quick wedding, short marriage, long divorce?

There is no magic number of months or years to spend with someone before choosing to become husband and wife. What is right for one couple may be completely wrong for another. Sometimes you both just feel that undeniably strong pull to one another and do not want to wait to begin your lives together. Getting married quickly may feel like the most solid decision you have ever made, but there is another decision you should seriously consider before you both say, “I do,” especially if you have decided to jump the broom early on.

While the divorce rate is lower than it used to be, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 16,275 couples get divorced in North Carolina every year. This means you need to be smart when it comes to playing the odds.

Why you should sign a premarital agreement

Premarital agreements do not sound nearly as sexy as whisking your new spouse away to a private honeymoon villa in Tahiti, but they offer you both peace of mind and protection from potential financial disaster. If you went to Las Vegas to gamble for the weekend and the casino said “sign this piece of paper” to guarantee you limit your losses no matter what, would you give a second thought to signing it? You would reach for the first pen you could find. The prenuptial agreement is really no different. You are betting that your marriage will last, but in the event that you choose to part ways, you each limit your losses.

A premarital agreement can:

• Outline which property remains separate for both spouses
• Ensure children from the current (and previous) marriage are protected
• Outline the succession plan for any family business
• Ensure spouses are protected from certain debts

Can maintenance sex save your marriage?

The importance of a physical relationship does not just disappear. Even if you and your spouse are no longer intimate, that need still has to be met somehow. Neglecting one another can often lead to one, or both of you seeking that spark outside your marriage if you fail to address the issue. What if you want to save your marriage before cheating has a chance to happen?

You can try any number of fixes, but if the primary issue is that the physical element of your relationship has fizzled out, finding ways to revive the passion you have lost can be a big step forward. One way to jump start that intimacy can be through maintenance sex. Maintenance sex is just what it sounds like; a way to keep your relationship going. It may not be romantic or exciting to start out with, but it can lead to the things that you experienced early on in time, such as:

• Talking to your partner. Maybe you learn that one parent being exhausted from working full time and being the primary caretaker of the children has made them feel taken for granted.
• Communicating your desires inside and outside the bedroom. Maybe one partner has stopped doing something in bed that they did early on in your relationship that wowed you and you want to discuss revisiting that.
• Becoming more psychologically in sync. Perhaps you have both experienced emotional growth in ways you did not realize until you made the effort to regain your physical connection.
• Reviving the physical touch you used to share. While you absolutely need an emotional and psychological connection, few marriages can survive without a physical bond.

It can be scheduled, or you may just mutually decide on a frequency, such as once a week. If it works, there will likely be a natural progression in a positive direction that can bring back that spark. One way to help foster this includes keeping sessions about you and your spouse. Make the effort to ensure you keep the focus on the two of you. That means keeping technology out of the equation. No sports on tv, no cell phones with texts and calls going off every few minutes to distract you.

The knowledgeable Charlotte divorce attorneys at Epperson Law Group, PLLC understand that protecting yourselves from divorce before your marriage has even started may not sound like an easy conversation to have. We can help you and your partner navigate the uncomfortable topic of pre-marital agreements in a realistic and caring manner. To schedule your private consultation in our Charlotte, Boone, Concord, or Weddington offices, call 704-321-0031, or we invite you to reach out to us through our contact page.