How a School Photo Can Lead to a Divorce

A husband recently shared a story on a popular Reddit board about his wife’s negative reaction to their 17-year-old daughter’s school photo. According to the post, the mother ridiculed the daughter for not posing well or taking an attractive photo. The poster claimed that the incident was not isolated. He explained that his wife routinely criticizes their daughter and that he is concerned that his wife’s behavior was damaging his daughter’s self-esteem and was putting her at risk of developing an eating disorder.

The ensuing fight about the mother’s reaction to the photo escalated, and according to the father, his daughter asked him to divorce her mother. Ultimately, he chose to end his marriage over what he saw as his wife’s wrongful behavior toward their daughter. While responses to the post expressed skepticism over the poster’s story, it does bring up a few interesting issues related to divorce. First, it shines a light on how even seemingly minor conflicts can lead to contentious divorces. Second, it shows the complex family dynamics that may exist between parents and their children. In cases where a parent feels that their partner is harming their children, this will likely play a role in the divorce, although not always as they might expect.

The “why” doesn’t matter in North Carolina divorces

In the husband’s story above, he presents himself as having the moral high ground. Many people beginning a divorce feel the other party’s bad behavior should influence a court’s decision, leading to a more favorable outcome in their case. However, North Carolina practices “no-fault” divorce. Under the no-fault system, no one needs to prove that the other party did something wrong or harmful. This policy is in contrast to at-fault divorce practices, which require that one party show that the other did something wrong by committing adultery, abandoning them, abusing them, or other behaviors.

Under North Carolina’s no-fault divorce policy, the only requirements are:

• The parties lived apart for at least one year and a day
• At least one of the parties must have intended to make the separation permanent
• One of the parties must live in North Carolina for a minimum of six months before filing in the state

While some states may allow parties to waive time limits like the one-year and a-day requirement if one of them can prove fault-based grounds, this is not an option in North Carolina. With that said, a person’s behavior can impact the divorce outcome regarding custody and other factors.

Emotional abuse and custody challenges

In the Reddit post, the father writes that after telling his wife the marriage was over, he told his daughter, “you are my universe, and that will never change.” The entire story is about how he finally stood up to his wife and chose to put his daughter and her emotional well-being before his marriage. He likely sees a path forward with him and his daughter moving on and his wife distancing herself.

However, in court, he would need to back up his claims of his wife’s behavior for them to factor it into its custody and visitation decisions. Not surprisingly, couples who are going through divorces make many cruel allegations against one another. Sometimes, those claims are exaggerated or downright false. Courts are used to this behavior and require evidence before they consider those claims.

If the father could provide evidence of the abusive conduct, this could work against his wife because courts aim to put the best interests of the child first. Emotional abuse, which may include intimidation, manipulation, and subjecting someone to constant criticism or humiliation, can cause children harm. The impact may include anxiety, depression, stress, low self-worth, difficulties in forming attachments, and more. Still, even in such cases, courts are inclined to protect a relationship between the children and both parents. The outcome may be less time for the emotionally abusive parent or even supervised visitation, but the court will likely work to preserve that relationship.

In the Reddit post, however, there is the added factor of the daughter’s age. At 17, the custody decision is likely irrelevant as she will be an adult by the time the separation period ends, let alone when the divorce is finalized.

When can the child say what they want?

The daughter in the Reddit post, at least according to her father, didn’t have a good relationship with her mother. Taking the story on its face, one would assume that the daughter would rather live with her father and may have limited, if any, contact with her allegedly emotionally abusive mother. However, in many cases, the child’s wishes are not the determining factor in a custody decision.

Courts will take a child’s wishes into account, but the weight they give those preferences varies depending on the age and maturity of the child. What a five-year-old says won’t hold as much weight as what a 15-year-old wants. There is good reason for courts to look beyond a child’s wishes. It’s possible that one parent has no rules and allows the children to stay up late, skip school, and eat whatever they want. The child may prefer that home to a stricter parent who makes them do their homework and go to school, but the court would be right in saying that the lenient home is probably not the best place for that child. Additionally, parents going through divorces may, unfortunately, disparage the other parent to their child. Parental alienation can lead to the child choosing the home of one parent over the other, even though the parent manipulating the child is causing harm.

With all of that said, older teens will often have some sway over where they will spend most of their time unless there are circumstances that make the court feel their wishes are not in their best interests.

Was the Reddit story even real?

For the purposes of looking at the effects on a divorce and custody dispute, it doesn’t matter whether the story about the school picture was real or entirely fabricated. However, deciphering whether stories like this one are real is something family law courts must deal with every day. It’s also worth noting that the father is only presenting one side of the story. In a courtroom, what might his wife say to refute his statements about her or to accuse him of abusive or harmful behavior? When it comes to breakdowns of marital relationships, emotions can impact the parties’ decisions and statements.

In high-conflict divorce cases, having a dedicated attorney is essential. It’s your attorney’s job to represent you and defend against allegations. They can also help you decide when and how to bring up actions of the other party that could influence your case. While amicable divorces are often the best situation, contested divorces are also common and sometimes unavoidable.

If you are considering a divorce or in the process of one and in need of representation in North Carolina, reach out to Epperson Law Group, PLLC, for a consultation. We have offices in Charlotte, Weddington, Concord, and Boone.